I am NOT making this up!
I love a good humorous story, as I hope you do. The following are things that actually happened to real people I know. Most of them are embarrassing to the people involved, so I will not use any real names! Except, maybe, I'll tell you once in a while if it happened to ME.
This one did.
My Very Own "I Love Lucy" Episode
Once upon a time, I went to college and had a boyfriend. This guy had a very small frame/build. Muscular, but small in stature. Because of this, he could still fit into the same clothes he wore in the seventh grade. Unfortunately, he actually chose to wear some of those said clothes in college.
Back in the early 70's, his mom had made him a pair of grey polyester dress slacks. She's a great seamstress, and I am certain that in their day, those were very stylish pants. But in the early 80's, things were just a little different (not better or worse, just different). The boyfriend had a presentation to make in class and he chose those slacks to wear upon that occasion. I merely looked on and bit my lip.
Later in life, when we cohabitated, we went to the Salvation Army one year just before Halloween to see if we could find some stuff for costumes. The boyfriend was looking at slacks, and lo and behold, he found a pair that looked familiar! He was thrilled!
"LOOK!" he cried. "These look just like those pants that my mama made me. And they are only a quarter!"
"Honey," I said, "Those ARE the pants your mama made you."
I had cleaned out closets and secretly disposed of them.
Not for long. He paid the 25 cents and got them back.
The End
Miss Grace
This is me too.
One Saturday evening in April, I was upstairs gathering up some laundry (oh, yes, I do have some rocking Saturday nites...). I had just put a facial mask on and had to let it set for about 20 minutes. I started downstairs with a load of laundry in one arm and a glass of ice water in my other hand and a magazine under my arm. I am weird about always having to look down at my feet as I descend stairs. I don't trust my feet to work well in these situations without supervision.
I should have looked, but I was carrying stuff.
Unbeknownst to me, my daughter and her friend had left a little plastic briefcase thingy lying on the landing. I stepped on it with my right foot. My right foot flew out forward, my left leg bent back at the knee and I did a half split all the way down the stairs. I made a LOT of noise. My arm hit every spindle in the stair railing on the way down. I landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
Dirty laundry was strewn around chaotically. There were ice cubes and water all around as well. But the glass was still in my hand! I could have been hurt much worse if I had dropped that and had broken it.
My husband came running. He said my ankle was already huge and I was still lying down. He helped me to the couch and examined my fat ankle. "I think it is broken," he said quietly. He called around and found an emergency medical clinic that was open.
In the meantime, my daughter walked in, took one look around, and exclaimed, "What in the world have you guys been doing in here?! There is ice and water all over the floor! Just look at this mess!"
I told her that I had stepped on the box where she kept her stickers, and had fallen down the stairs and hurt my ankle.
"Well," she said, "I hope you didn't break it."
"You hope I didn't break what?"
"My box," she replied.
The Wrong Wedding
Once upon a time, I worked in a large corporate office in a tiny town. One of my fellow workers was getting married in a small church up in the mountains and I was invited. I went alone and thought I had given myself ample time to locate the chapel. After many winding roads through the forests, I finally happened upon a quaint little church where a wedding was obviously about to begin. I got out of my car and immediately spotted a couple from work. They were photographers when they weren't at the office and had taken some photos for me before. They had all of their equipment, and I just waved and rushed inside. I sat down on the back row just before the processional began. Whew! I made it! The music played and the ladies walked down the aisle in their lovely gowns. I waited for the bride and at last there she was! She was very pretty, but a complete stranger to me! I was at the wrong wedding!!!! I stayed and watched this band of strangers go through their ceremony and then high-tailed it out of there. I missed my friend's wedding completely. But we sure had a good laugh at my expense on Monday at the office!!!
A Cool Breeze in Church
When I was in high school, a handsome fellow named Gary Story escorted me to church one Sunday. When we went in, we sat 3 or 4 pews from the back, right in the middle. I had on my favorite dress at the time; a little pale green jersey number with white polka dots. (this was the 70's, mind you). We stood up and sang a congregational hymn, sat back down and later stood up to sing again. This time, I felt a curious breeze on my back. While singing along, I reached behind me and put my hand in the middle of my back. I felt bare skin!!! What a day not to wear a slip!!! My zipper had come undone and my back was laid bare for all to see!! I whispered to Gary, "My zipper is broken!" He took a quick peek at my back and he gallantly took off his sport coat and draped it around my shoulders and escorted me out of the building. What a gentleman!! (Gary, wherever you are, I hope all is well with you!)
Hmmmmm.....I don't think he ever took me to church again after that.....
Tales from the Martin Clan
The Chicken Call
As told to me by my uncle "Buck," Phillip Martin.
"Mama and Daddy got a new rug for the kitchen floor and it was rolled up on a cardboard tube. We took the tube out in the yard and were playing with it. Johnny took it under the apple tree and the chickens had already gone to roost. He laid under the tree and hollered through the tube,
'Ah-ooooah! Ah-ooooah!"
and one of the chickens fed John an evening meal!
John said, "Ah-ooo-GAG!"
